Creative Writing.
He landed a three-pointer.
- Basketball court,
- Anticipation, joy, happiness, relief, disappointment on the other team
- Intense concentration, powerful kick off, the ball whooshed in the air and landed into the basket making up the final score, everyone cheered, fellow team mates sighed in relief
The crowd chanted his name as he stood on the court. Anticipation filled the seats and the commentators stopped. He positioned his feet and aimed with intense concentration. Without a second thought, he kicked off and shot the ball, it whooshed as if in slow motion the air and landed into the basket making up the final score. After sheer realisation, the crowd roared and the players on the court sighed in relief. The opposing team huffed in disappointment while the winners celebrated.
Nice descriptive writing! The sentence you wrote to 'show' instead of 'tell' the reader that "he landed a three-pointer" was:
ReplyDelete"Without a second thought, he kicked off and shot the ball, it whooshed as if in slow motion the air and landed into the basket making up the final score."
Whoosh is onomatopoeia, I think, which is a feature of language. Good job getting that into your sentence.
I think this is a definite improvement on the 'tell' sentence, but is still quite a literal description of his actions. Can you go again to make it less descriptive and more.. in need of reader interpretation! Leave me to work out what he's doing.